what a night.

Had a really hard night.

I went to see MIL yesturday and it was just terrible but also very needed.
I had to put on apron and scrub hands in a small room and then went into her room. Adj introduced me to the doc/nurse on duty - each patient in the burns itu has a doc/nurse all day, everyday, every second and they cant leave - I took a look over and then just crumbled. I had to leave the room and I rushed to he family room where i just fell apart.
MIL's best friend was here and held me in her arms, Ellbell was there and was comforting me but i wanted to be the strong one for him. I just dont know how someone can do that to someone, to leave them like that.

I had to go back in the room, I just needed to be in there, to be with her so I went to the bathroom and came back and scrubbed back up and went in. I just sat down and stared at the floor. I then looked around the room, there's all pictures of her in there and it's just so soul destroying looking a the pictures and then at the bed.... I took a good look at my sweet, kind MIL, I just dont know what to say, there's no words. All the machines and all the tubes and then her, laying there, sedated, dressings on her face (I thought it was her face at first) the ventilator breathing for her and her chest rising.
I am just so sorry this happened to her, so sorry she is like this now but determined that the monster who did it WONT win.

We went to church in the evening and my cuz played a song for Adj and myself - He'll take the pain away - so touching and so emotional. I was in bitz, one of my good church friends came to me and wrapped me in her arms and just cried.
We were called to the front for a special prayer and Adj and te kids went up, I tried to get up but only made it to the end of my row and just had to sit down again, another of my good friends hugged me and an usher took me to the front. My church momma was there waiting and i just collapsed in her arms and slunk to my knees. Everyone was in tears as we are all so close and they just cant beleive what's gone on.
After I went back to my seat, the service continued but it was so special and it was so good to be there. God was really in the house and comforted us all.

I am so overwhelmed by the love shown to Adj myself by our friends, family, church family and my online communities.
There's really special people in this world which gives us faith in people after our faith in humans has been totally shaken. I refuse to let the hideous actions of one sick and twisted indivitual make me become tottaly untrusting of other people who have and continue to show compassion.