Looking Up

Things are looking up and I am soooooooooooooooo amazed by this miracle.
MIL was nearly taken from us and here she is asking for a cuppa!! LOL

Adj is just ecstatic!! SHe asked for some yogurt when he was there on Thursday and she had 2spoons!! She had only had water before that and that made her choke. MIL took a few steps with the help of the nurse..... As Adj was telling me all this i was just buzzing and couldn't beleive it!! I know we've got a long road ahead of us but this is just so amazing.

I want to go see her but i dont know if i will be strong..... I need to be strong for her.

I went to the PO yesturday, I went to a few shops too as i needed some tops... my bump is getting sooo big also some underwear... big pants ahoy!!!
I picked up some grocceries while i was there and it was the first time i've been to the shops since it happened that I felt happy to be shopping.

my mind cant process all these emotions and i feel so out of sorts, ill and tired but I just wan to get over this first hurdle and I know i'll be ok.

I want to craft but I cant, I need to make a couple of cards so i'll hopefully just put all the negative thoughts aside and do them.....

why didn't I talk??

MIL is AWAKE!!!!!!!

Adj got the phone call this afternoon and we just got ready and went up there.

I wont go into all the details as we've had to make new security measures but I just feel so stupid cos i didnt talk much to her. I said two things and just stood there looking around like a muppet!!

I didnt know what to say, I was just so sad and upset and it hurt to see her like that.
My anger frightens me.... When i see her, all I can think is how can someone leave someone in that possition, in that pain??!!

I wish I talked.

stupid blogger.... well me really

Only gone and changed my template without meaning to!! Bah, wasnt concentrating and now its all blah!!

cant even bother to sort it out now, will do some time later, so excuse the blahness for now

what a night.

Had a really hard night.

I went to see MIL yesturday and it was just terrible but also very needed.
I had to put on apron and scrub hands in a small room and then went into her room. Adj introduced me to the doc/nurse on duty - each patient in the burns itu has a doc/nurse all day, everyday, every second and they cant leave - I took a look over and then just crumbled. I had to leave the room and I rushed to he family room where i just fell apart.
MIL's best friend was here and held me in her arms, Ellbell was there and was comforting me but i wanted to be the strong one for him. I just dont know how someone can do that to someone, to leave them like that.

I had to go back in the room, I just needed to be in there, to be with her so I went to the bathroom and came back and scrubbed back up and went in. I just sat down and stared at the floor. I then looked around the room, there's all pictures of her in there and it's just so soul destroying looking a the pictures and then at the bed.... I took a good look at my sweet, kind MIL, I just dont know what to say, there's no words. All the machines and all the tubes and then her, laying there, sedated, dressings on her face (I thought it was her face at first) the ventilator breathing for her and her chest rising.
I am just so sorry this happened to her, so sorry she is like this now but determined that the monster who did it WONT win.

We went to church in the evening and my cuz played a song for Adj and myself - He'll take the pain away - so touching and so emotional. I was in bitz, one of my good church friends came to me and wrapped me in her arms and just cried.
We were called to the front for a special prayer and Adj and te kids went up, I tried to get up but only made it to the end of my row and just had to sit down again, another of my good friends hugged me and an usher took me to the front. My church momma was there waiting and i just collapsed in her arms and slunk to my knees. Everyone was in tears as we are all so close and they just cant beleive what's gone on.
After I went back to my seat, the service continued but it was so special and it was so good to be there. God was really in the house and comforted us all.

I am so overwhelmed by the love shown to Adj myself by our friends, family, church family and my online communities.
There's really special people in this world which gives us faith in people after our faith in humans has been totally shaken. I refuse to let the hideous actions of one sick and twisted indivitual make me become tottaly untrusting of other people who have and continue to show compassion.

just here

Just here, adj has gone to the Hosp and left me here, he says he's not gonna stay long up there so i shouldnt get childcare. He's also has to bring his mums work keys to her workplace and go to his Grandma's as one of his uncle's is taking the news very badly and needs to see a doctor, the poor guy.
I think he wants to sheild me but instead i jus feel so alone and so useless. I know it's silly to feel like this and maybe it's best for me and bubble but I just want to do something, but i'm here making wetabix for jayz and kylo (they have a love for cereal at anytime like me LOL ) and crying. Kids are up stairs and kylo wants to come down. I started tidying the lounge last night and will do some more. At least I'll be doing something, my back wont take much tho.

Thanks so much for all the lovey and kind messages, comments and posts people have sent me. Means so much.

Why?? How??

Why would someone be so evil?
How could someone do such a thing and inflict so much pain to another human being and more so to the one you have chosen to spend your life with?

My darling, beautiful MIL was savagely attacked by her husband on monday, I cant really write all the details here as people who are very sensitive and even children may read this blog and also legally I'm not sure what I can and cant say.

The absolute animal has caused her to have burns from waist up front and back. He did such an awful, disgusting, attrocious thing..... I still cant believe what he's done.

She is in a specialist Burns hospital and he is in a hospital under police guard as he has been arrested with attempted murder.

Adj is in bitz, EllBell(his little bro.) is too, Ellbell saw his mum at the time and had to put the flames out and administer first aid etc.... what can the poor guy be going through. He's staying with us a the moment and he hasnt eaten properly since monday.
I had to hold him in my arms on tues morning and put him to bed on our sofa, I feel for him I really do.

I am just devestated, My emotions go from angry to sadness to hurt to anxious to worried to pain to grief to hate...... and all diff emotions between.

I have seen life in a different view, things that I have held so important mean absolutely nothing.... arguements are pointless.
Here I was moaning that my hair is breaking and so getting short and comming away when I put my hands through it and now my MIL has no hair as the surgeons had to cut/shave it off.

CRASH BANG WALLOP!!

Yesturday, some stupid woman decided it would be a good idea to look in her bag while driving!
Adj was waiting to turn down a road, on coming traffic was flowwing so he was waiting for a gap, then BANG, Poor kylo and jayz woke up and were startled... kali was right in the back as we had a friend with us so he was closest to the collision.
Stupid, stupid woman!! She just sat in her car looking shocked then got out, adj myself and our friend went over and she just stared in our faces, It was right at a bus stop so people were looking on too..... ARRRGGG I was mad!! She got her phone out and i assumed she was calling the police. I took photo's of both our cars for Insurance purposes, she got of the phone and said "What shall we do, shall we phone the police?"
SO I said "wasn't you phoning them?"
"No" she replied "because I didnt know the number, is it 999?" WHAT!!?? is this woman for real is all i could ask myself, my friend and I just looked at each other in amazement.
Adj must have seen the smoke coming out of my ears and so he sent me to the car LOL.
I was in there for a while and the woman comes over I really didnt want to talk to her as I was fumming but she knocked on the window, I opend the window and she was saying sorry, sorry.... I said "I've got 3 kids in her, and a baby coming, what were you thinking off??"
She then told me she was looking in her BAG!!! I was just soooooo mad, She put our life at risk because she was looking in her bag, I knew she hadnt been watching, cos we were stationary and waiting for a fair few minutes and were on a stretch of road, so she just plain couldnt have been watching!!

Went for a check up much later as my back was really aching and I wanted to make sure Bubble was ok,
Nurse over reacted when she prodded my neck which obviously hurt and tols me they needed to strap me down!! and isolate my neck.... I told her my neck wasnt hurting it was my back.... did she listen??? NO!! so she took me through to the back and a doc came out, He asked me what happened then asked me what speed we were going, i told him we were stationary and then he asks me what speed woman was going??? Like I knew... The silly man wouldnt take the fact that i didnt know and asked was i 100 miles er hour...... why are docs so patronising..... so i said to him" I have a picture of her car... maybe YOu can tell the speed from that??" He then changed his une and said, "Oh no nevermind, thats ok" PHLUUFFFF!!!
He then proded me and decided i wasnt suffering from broken neck or whatever it was the nurse had written and so we all went back out to waiting room................ for HOURS!! BAHHHHH. Adj and Kali fell asleep and Jayz and Kylo were over tired, Jayz kept running around, fidgeting, jumping etc. Kylo Fidgeting, crying and in the end Adj took them to the car so they could sleep.
Finally I was called in and gladly it was a diff doc, she asked what happened and asked if I was asthmatic, as I was wheezy, I told her I was and she listenend to my chest and back... tight!! so she told me I needed a nebuliser, She prodded my back and I nearly jumped of the bed/couch!! OUCHHHHHH....

Well if you've reached up to here, thanks for reading LOLOL, I'm all achy and Chest is a little "wet" from nebuliser but Bubble is ok. The car can be fixed a the end of the day ad we are all ok so thats what matters..... so frustrating but hey.... we're alive.

Got in around 3am so we're not going to church for afernoon service, we'll go to the evening one.

Photo.

Here's the photo I promised :o)

The challenge was:
1 pic, doodling, lime green somewhere and some brads





Was a real challenge esp. as i hate green LOLOL, The green paper and puffly alpha (ME) was from a scrap room kit and the doodlebug swirl paper was from my CTM kit.
dymo label (just)
whie pen is the white glaze by sakura.

success!!

LOL!!
Got the challenge lo done, and before choir practice too.
I'll post a photo later on, my phone is charging.

What a rainy, thundery afternoon!! Looks abit brighter now tho.

Hoping to finally have a play with my lollipop alpha with mountboard, Got some plates for my Big Shot at last - well I got the Big Kick ones as the store were out of the BS ones... am 99.5% sure they'll fit.

Speed Scrap!!!

Right, been procastronating---hmm cant spell it---- all afternoon, had my 2nd challenge page planned ages ago, printer went kaput so couldnt print photos but now we have a new one yayyyy!! got it yesturday reduced by £40!!
So printed of photo last night but now i'm just fraffing around and not scrapping..... sooooo I think I'll challenge myself to speed scrap! I have the bits already waiting for me, just got to cut, place and stick sooooooo what am i waiting for?? Will give the kidies some punchies and paper and do my page...... See you on the other side LOL.

Hummmph!!

After trying to push the headaches, flashing lights, occasional swelling etc and the rest... I am showing protein now....... I am just trying to stay positive, CANNOT go through all the pre-eclampsia hooohaaa that I had the last two times with Jayz and Kylo.... HUMMMMPPPHHHH!!!

I Scrapped!!!

whoooo weeeeee!!

After having days and days of having no time or no energy to craft, I saw a thread over at UKS that gives Immediate Challenges, I lurked for a while and then decided I really wanted to Scrap and so asked for a Challenge,
I was given a challenge by amanda:
Use 2 colours 2 photos ribbon and buttons
so last night I got my butt in gear and did it!! So chuffed that I actually crafted!! LOLOL

Here it is:

Scrap paper (backgroud), ribbon, buttons - Costco
PP - Scenic Route
Flock Alphabet - Poundland
Cardstock (photo matts and tag) - HOTP
Ink - Catseye Chalk




I finally used one of the fancy schmancy tag stamps!!

And to add to my Smugginess, I used stash from 3 kits, which means I've finally kept my promise to actually use the kits I get... The only way I can justify getting them.
I used the PP from May's Scraproom Flavors kit (the Scenic Route part)
Buttons, Ribbon and Scrapbook paper - which is actually like card from the kit from Costco.
And the Scissors from the June CTM kit to make a scalloped edge!! Whooo hooo!!!

Swaperooni and Kit!!

Got a box full of Lush lushiness!! For my Pamper Swap gift.

lookey!!

Also got my yummmmmmmyyyyyy CTM kit on the same day!! it's just fabby, fantabby!! I love it. I wanted to get some of the Doodlebug papers and also to try out stickles and they were both in the kit... the glitter paper is scrummmy, not had it before so will have fun trying it out.

The Bling blossoms look delish.

Sleep?? WHat's that??!!

ARRRgggghhh!!!! Just look at the time, 5:20am!! Have I been to bed yet?? NO!!
Back to the "No sleep" Frustration.

Since I couldnt sleep i watched shows i had to watch and then some recorded craft shows and then thought... why dont i make a jacobs ladder usefor DH's grandma?? Why not indeed....

Soooooo, I had to cut down the massive A1 boards and then trim them, Clicked the video over at craft tv and realised i needed 12 boards so cut more but the first cuts made my x-cut all jagedy so I had to pull out the craft knife... then I had the bright idea of inking not only the edges but also the boards..... hmmmm not good cos the ink started to look patchy so i thought i'd use diff colours for every 2 boards.... hmmmm all higeldy pigeldy so i thought i'd use plain navy paper to unify them and use park pictures as well as the duck pictures i'd planned to so the diff colours could well work.

Went to print out the extra photos, does my printer want to play nice?? NO!!!

Well i'v done the ladder now had a sneaky try of it.... not smart... obviously the glues not dry so.. erm... well lets just say the ribbon's loose in places.

will see if the printer is my friend later on this afternoon and add photos and flat embellies then.

I can hear DH getting up for work so will log off and go to bed..... bet he lectures me.... deserve it tho, just got to sweet talk him into carrying jayz up fpr me, the little button snuk down to stay with me and fell asleep on the sofa hours ago....

Wonder if sleep will come.... wont be long before kylo wakes up now...

So near yet SOOOooooo far!!

Had my 2nd scan yesturday, Adj was able to come along this time as it was his holiday week. We got there with 10 minutes to spare - i learnt my lesson after being late last ime LOL.
We ended up waiting ages anyway - cant win can i??!!

We Had a Male Scanner(cant remember the fancy name) first time i've had a male one. There was a student there who conducted the scan, the senior(male) scanner wen to get her a coffee and she started the scan.
I was so surprised when she asked me if I wanted to know the baby's gender, I thought the hosp policy was not to tell, it seems like the policy has changed so I said "yes, write it down as He (hubby) doesn't want to know, but I do"
Adj sat upright and said "what?? NO!! we dont want to know" which led to me saying yes i do and him saying no we dont!!
Poor lass just looked amused.

Anyway... she decided to go with Adj and said she wouldnt say if she could see..... BAH
She asked how many kids i already have and I tell her 3, I tell her that kali is at school and really wanted to be at the scan and she says we'll have to get a nice pic for him.

She was doing the scan pointing out the bits and jayz was so excited looking at the screen. Kylo was worried that the scan wand was hurting me but loved seeing the baby on the screen.

She got a still image and asked if it was ok... looked very blob like so i asked for another, which she sent to the printer.
Then she started frowing and then put the bed lower and sais "Look... that doesnt look right...." so now i start to worry a little, what doesn't look right??? She called the senior over who said "mmmmm...." what does mmm mean i wanna shout...
Adj sits upright and starts peering at the screen, avoiding my eyes....
then the student says "it looks like it's hanging off..." I really wan to jump up then and ask whats hanging off... whats going on??!! But i lay still remembering that they have to have me lying down in order to see whats wrong.
He took over which made me a little more worried and I start to pray.
Lots of prodding and pushinh and ummming and mmmmming and then He says the words I want to hear - "No that's fine...." and starts to call out measurements and organs for the student to enter into the computer.

He then got a still image to print off and said "everythings fine"
"everything?" I ask... i want to get confirmation
"yes... everything we've seen today is fine"
"Is the placenta high up?" I ask, remembering with ds2 that the placenta was lying low for so long they thought i may need a csearean and i had a few scans to check.
"Yes the placenta's well out of the way" he say's smilling.

PHEW!! so after that I guess not knowing the gender is so trivial and I should be very happy that the scan didnt show up any serious probs!!

I'll put up the scan pics tomo.

Cyber Cropping!!

What a fabby Cyber Crop over at Faith Scrappers!! Such fun. I have a card challenge and fat book challenge up on there, had a grea time doing it but like all deadlines i totally fluffed!! Why can't I get my butt into gear?? Things always crop up to stop me bahhhh!!

Kali had a Party in a park to go to today, It looked overcast so we had to rush over and collect him, it started pelting down poor kiddies!!

Here's a sneak peek at the fat book:

Blog Candy

Spend the other day blog hopping and I cam accross the fabby meez..... My love for all these kinds of things made me stay and make my own!! Cant remember which blog I was reading when i saw it but thanks xxx





I also came across this visual emotion thinky while browsing Mummygina's blog... Here's mine:

Read my VisualDNA™ Get your own VisualDNA™

Die Cut Frenzy!

went to greenford today - phoned on sat and they were putting their stuff out on Sunday so didnt bother going down then.
waaaaay tired now gonna have a sleep before Big Brother comes on.

Picked up soe fabby sizzix and ellison goodies!!

Adj came to get me, the sweetie pie. Good thing too as i dont know how we would have got back. All those stairs to get to the platforms, i think i would have got busses back and that would have taken 3hrs!! The things I do for stash!! my feet are swollen but i'm a happy die cuting bunny!!

Gottta shop!!

soooooooooooooo disapointed, the concert i was meant to go to tonite is canceled, have been looking forward to it for months.

I Just couldnt wait to see Fred Hammond and Tye Tribette in concert..... bah!!

inorder to cheer myself up im gonna do a little shop. hmmmmmm a baby, a toddler, a full fledged 9 year old boy going on 19 .... and a bump!! Am i barmy or what??!! Adj is at an all day meeting so cant go with him and i need to get out of the house..... wondering if i can get to hobbycraft in greenford and back in one piece, want to pick up ellison and sizzix goodies..... london transport website said it will take 1 and 1/2 hours to get there by bus and tube... thats a roundway trip of 3hrs....... hmmmmmmmmmmmm not loving that.

want to check out a baby listener thingy that you can hear the babies heartbeat so may just take a trip nearer to home.

In The Club....

..... The lovely anso got me all excited about the fabby flavor of the month kits when i was lurking on her blog las month.
She had photos of the April kits on there and I hurried off to have a look at the website. I was instantly hooked LOLOLOL!!

The kit is put together by a wonderful lady called Tammy and I can even pay by paypal which is supa fab for me.

My April kit came but not the stamps as they sold out, hopefully they'll be ready when my may kit comes. Cant wait till may comes although i havent even tucked into the April one.... someone kick me into shape LOLOLOL.

Got some mountboard the other day, really want to have a go at a jacobs ladder.

Still feeling really yucky, can wait to feel better.
Threw up all the lucazade at the midwife booking in visit on Tuesday. It was for the glucose test. I was trying to drink it quickly as the blood had to be collected an hour later. got half way and it all came back up!! had to run to the toilet was soooooo embarassing and so upsetting. midwife was a real doll, i tried to clean what i could but with no cleaning supplies i couldnt get it all. Poor janiter had to do it, she said it was ok bu i reall felt bad for her. I mean who wans to clean up sick??!!
I just know they're gonna want me to take the glucose load test but i really dont want to put myself through it. I mean i had one each time and no probs, had one with Kylo and not a prob detected. I have decided to decline it unless they find sugar or something.